I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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