So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
