Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
