can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
