planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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