I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
