he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
