I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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