i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
