O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
