Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
