At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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