I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
