It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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