First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
