So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
