i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
