i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
