I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
