I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
