God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't turn off my feet"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
