i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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