nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I cut my penus on the lid.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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