But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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