I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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