But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
