I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
