I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
