my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
