I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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