Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
