physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
