my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
