I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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