Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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