Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
