You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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