Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
