ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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