I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
