using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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