We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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