Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
