mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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