I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
