paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Pooping to opera.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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