awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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