I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
