the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
