If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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