I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
