fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
