I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A+ Viking dick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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