Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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